


Before I Knew That I Had Begun

by lululawrence



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, American Harry Styles, American Louis, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, No Smut, Pride and Prejudice References, Sharing a Bed, University Student Harry, University Student Louis, i love that that's a tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-08
Updated: 2017-11-08
Packaged: 2019-01-31 02:58:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12666855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lululawrence/pseuds/lululawrence
Summary: Louis closed his eyes and carefully rolled over so he could wrap his arms around Harry as well. Things were permissible at night that he wouldn’t allow himself otherwise, and snuggling up to Harry, breathing in his scent like this, was definitely one of those scenarios that was only allowed in the dark. Once light broke, they pulled apart again and didn’t speak of the way their bodies fit together so perfectly or the way they always ended up with awkward morning wood that needed to be taken care of separately. The blue haze that filled Louis’ dorm room and the snores from Logan in the bottom bunk afforded them a soft safety net where the impossible seemed possible and where, just for a few hours, Louis could let down his guard and not worry about why his body was so drawn to the curly haired boy sharing his bed.





	Before I Knew That I Had Begun

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Awriterwrites](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Awriterwrites/gifts), [LipsSoGoodLarry](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LipsSoGoodLarry/gifts).



> Happy happy birthday to my darlings [Lisa](http://a-writerwrites.tumblr.com) and [Jamie](http://horanstemporaryfix.tumblr.com)! I know. I am gifting a fic with zero smut to the smut mother, but it's me, so whatcha gonna do? lol I love you two and I hope that this fic fits what you love! It is very much out of my usual style because I tried to embrace the feel of the fics described, so I hope you like it! I'm so glad we are friends!!
> 
> This fic was also written as part of an ongoing challenge. We each select random numbers and are given a specific emotion from the book 1000 Feelings For Which There Are No Names. To read the other fics written in this challenge, [click here](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/ShortFic_Challenge_For_Which_There_Is_No_Name/works), or you can find the masterpost on tumblr [here](http://lululawrence.tumblr.com/post/159679804243/1000-feelings-for-which-there-are-no-names-prompt).
> 
> My prompt was 567: The fear that your parents will have another fight.
> 
> That being said, massive thanks to [Bri](http://briannamarguerite.tumblr.com) for betaing for me! She's a hero and a gentlewoman. Also to everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, that I whined to while writing this. I had such a hard time for some reason, so thanks to everyone that helped me and patted my hand lol All remaining mistakes and downfalls are definitely my own.
> 
> This fic is a work of FICtion, please don't share it with anyone affiliated with the boys, blah blah blah. The title is from Pride and Prejudice because, thanks to Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, I finally had inspiration for the crux of this fic. lol Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoy!!

Louis startled awake and found his textbook page was stuck to his cheek. What time was it? What had woken him up? He really needed to stop studying in bed, especially when it was history. Last Louis heard, osmosis didn’t  _ actually _ work.

Louis sat up and looked around his room. It was dark with only his desk light on and Logan was snoring in the bunk below him. It must be later than he thought. Louis slid out of the top bunk and was trying to quietly shuffle the papers around on his desk when he heard what must have woken him earlier: several soft yet insistent taps on the door.

Louis brought up the back of his hand to his mouth as he yawned and dragged his feet toward the door. Everything felt like it was covered in a bit of a haze, as it always did when he woke unexpectedly in the middle of the night. It gave the world a softer feel, almost dream like. It felt like anything was possible while the night was still cloaking the world.

Louis finished his yawn and opened the door a crack to find Harry on the other side.

“Harry, what’s up?” Louis whispered, trying to keep the door closed as much as possible so he wouldn’t let in too much light from the hallway. Logan could sleep through a good amount of noise, but too much light woke him quickly and easily.

“Can I sleep here tonight?” Harry asked, shifting from foot to foot nervously. “I just...I can’t stay at home right now.”

Louis looked at his friend, the first person outside of Logan that Louis met at college. They’d become best friends quickly, both making fun of their freshman orientation course together. Harry showing up in the middle of the night like this had Louis concerned, though. It wasn’t really like him. Harry was shaking a bit, and the night was frosty despite feeling almost magical, so rather than asking for clarification, Louis opened the door enough for Harry to slip inside and closed it quickly. Logan didn’t even shift in his bed, so it seemed the coast was clear and the ambiance still in tact.

Harry dropped his bag in the corner and immediately began to climb the small ladder to Louis’ bunk. Louis finally dug his phone out of his pocket and found it was only 11, which was surprising, but still late enough to get back to sleep. Maybe he would actually be on time for his 8 a.m. class.

Louis went to his closet and quickly stepped out of his sweatpants. Harry was a heater that he knew would keep him more than warm enough in his entirely too small bed. It wasn’t completely comfortable, dorm beds hardly fit one person easily much less two, but they made do when needed. 

Louis turned off his desk lamp and the room was immediately bathed in a soft blue light. The moon must be shining in a clear, autumn sky, to cast that much light through their curtains. Usually, Louis would be annoyed, but tonight it only added to the feeling that anything was possible.

Once Louis climbed onto his bed, he found Harry curled up against the wall, trying to leave as much space as possible for Louis to get under the comforter without falling off. They joked about it now, but Louis really did nearly topple off the first night they tried sharing back in September. 

Louis pulled the blanket up to his shoulders and Harry immediately snuggled up to him, causing the bed to squeak quite a bit. They always cuddled when he stayed over, but Harry seemed like he needed it tonight, which brought Louis’ concern back to the forefront.

“Harry, what’s going on?” Louis asked softly. He wrapped his arms around Harry’s shoulders and squeezed him tight before finding the right position for their legs to slot together. “Is everything okay? Why couldn’t you stay at home?”

“My mom and dad are fighting again, Lou,” Harry admitted quietly. “Worse than last time. I’ve not been able to sleep the past week or whatever because they yell, like, all night long, and I can’t deal with it anymore. I was afraid it would happen again tonight, so after the library I just came here instead.”

Louis nodded. “Okay. No problem. You can stay here as long as you think your back can handle it. Logan won’t care.”

Harry let out a breathy chuckle, obviously trying to keep himself quiet. “Logan is so chill. Where did you even find him?”

Louis shrugged. “I dunno. He claims it’s how everyone from Southern California is, but I’m not sure I believe him. I think he’s mostly this chill cause he’s always high.”

Harry flopped onto his back and the bed rocked precariously. It definitely wasn’t made to hold the weight of two nineteen year olds. Louis was afraid they might be pushing their luck. Maybe he could get Logan to switch bunks until Harry felt like he could go back to sleeping at home.

“Don’t you love nighttime in the fall?” Harry whispered. 

Louis slowly eased himself onto his back so his head was propped on Harry’s shoulder. His feet hung off the end of the bed like this, but otherwise they fit alright.

“What makes it different in the fall?” Louis studied the shadow patterns across the ceiling and their varying blues. He almost felt like if he looked hard enough, the night would reveal secrets to him.

“It’s so crisp and cool, like there’s the promise of cold weather and holidays with the family,” Harry said slowly, his usual easy cadence drawn out even longer. It made it so Louis felt like he was falling into the rhythm of his speech. “But we also get such clear blue skies and the beautiful leaves, and it just feels like it’s fresh. It’s the end of so many things, but it  _ feels _ like a beginning.”

“Okay.” Louis squinted at the ceiling. “But what does that have to do with night?”

“You take all of those incredible things and bathe them in silver and blue,” Harry said, and as he spoke, Louis felt like he could see his words painting a vision on the ceiling. “You take that promise, and you freeze it, but only lightly. The frost on the grass, the little patterns from the cold nights remaining painted on the leaves. Doesn’t it seem magical? Full of possibility?”

As Louis’ eyes drifted shut against his will, Louis knew Harry was right. That was exactly the feeling Louis had from the moment he woke up, even if he hadn’t seen any of those things with more than his mind’s eye.

 

*~~***~~*

 

Louis’ alarm went off and it was still dark, but it was different now. The blues had shifted to violet, and he knew the sun would rise shortly.

Louis disentangled himself from Harry and slipped out of bed. When he reached the floor, he shivered. He definitely was going to need his sweatpants to keep warm until he was fully dressed and ready for calculus.

He looked at Logan’s bed and found it empty. Louis had no idea how the guy got up so early every day, but props to him. Louis stuck in a Keurig cup by the light of his phone’s flashlight and got Harry’s favorite Hazelnut roast going before running to the restroom. 

Once he felt a bit more awake from a cold face wash and his teeth being brushed, Louis snuck back into his room and found Harry sitting up in bed, rubbing his eyes. His curls were sticking up in all directions, and he looked a bit like a disgruntled kitten, but Louis loved him like that. Maybe one day Louis would get the guts to actually tell him that.

“Hey,” Harry croaked. He cleared his throat and tried speaking again. “Smells like my coffee.”

Louis flipped on the softest light in the room that would still allow him to see what he needed as he got ready. 

“It is. Want it black today?”

Harry hummed a little in response and Louis handed the mug up to him before starting his own caramel flavored coffee. Once his was ready as well, Louis climbed back up to sit in bed with Harry for the few minutes he had before class. He’d just go in his pajamas and get dressed afterwards. It’s not like anyone cared what Louis looked like this early in the morning anyway.

They leaned their backs against the wall and pulled the comforter over their laps. Their shoulders brushed, and Louis felt zips of electricity from the touch as well as the extra warmth that being near Harry always afforded, and together, they watched the sun rise to start another day and rid them of the cover of night.

“Suppose it had to end at some point,” Harry said with a sigh.

Louis looked at him, but Harry’s face gave nothing away. “What do you mean?”

“The night. I feel like the night is the only time I get you to myself.”

Louis blushed and looked back down at his cup. They hung out regularly, but it often was with a large gathering of other friends. Hearing that Harry cherished the moments they were able to grab for just the two of them made Louis feel like melted chocolate had taken the place of blood in his veins. 

In the end, all he could think to say in response was a simple,“Oh.”

They stayed quiet, but the purples had turned to pinks and oranges by the time he finally made his way out of his cozy bed.

“Thanks for letting me stay again last night,” Harry said as he grabbed his jacket and bookbag from the corner.

“Feel free to come back tonight,” Louis offered. “At least then we can hopefully catch up on some sleep since it’s the weekend.” Louis put on his favorite beanie, which might actually be Harry’s, and his blue coat with the wooden toggles.

“Thanks, Louis.”

Louis smiled at his best friend before setting their used cups on his desk. He’d take care of them later.

“Course.”

 

*~~***~~*

 

Louis woke up from the weirdest dream. The edges were fuzzy and he couldn’t remember specifics, but he did have an overwhelming feeling of belonging and confusion, which left him a bit off kilter.

Louis blinked and took in the shadows and blue streaks that wound their way around each other on Louis’ walls. He wasn’t sure what about the dream made him feel so strange, but he knew that Harry’s arms around him was helping all of it melt away.

Louis placed his arm over Harry’s and relaxed back into his embrace. Harry snuffled and moved closer, his face nuzzling right into Louis’ neck, and Louis smiled. It tickled a bit, but he loved having Harry there. He tried not to think about how much, though. It had been just over a week since Harry had basically started staying every night, and Louis was already far too accustomed to it.

Louis took a deep breath and looked through hooded eyes at the bulletin board that held Louis’ set of decorations. It was mostly photos of home, but photos that Harry had taken and developed for his photography class took up a decent amount of it as well. 

Louis continued looking around the room at his belongings and realized how much of his life Harry had permeated. They’d only met back in August when school started back up, but there wasn’t a single place in Louis’ room that didn’t show Harry’s influence. Even the blue curtains were a gift from him when his blinds broke.

Louis closed his eyes and carefully rolled over so he could wrap his arms around Harry as well. Things were permissible at night that he wouldn’t allow himself otherwise, and snuggling up to Harry, breathing in his scent like this, was definitely one of those scenarios that was only allowed in the dark. Once light broke, they pulled apart again and didn’t speak of the way their bodies fit together so perfectly or the way they always ended up with awkward morning wood that needed to be taken care of separately. The blue haze that filled Louis’ dorm room and the snores from Logan in the bottom bunk afforded them a soft safety net where the impossible seemed possible and where, just for a few hours, Louis could let down his guard and not worry about why his body was so drawn to the curly haired boy sharing his bed.

 

*~~***~~*

 

Louis felt itchy. Itchy, unsettled, and anxious, like his skin was too tight and the only way he’d be able to find relief was to get back to school and settle into bed with Harry.

Fuck. Harry. Hopefully Harry’s parents had stopped fighting, so he wouldn’t actually need to stay with Louis anymore, but at the same time Louis hoped exactly the opposite. Louis sighed as he stared out the window of the Uber taking him back to campus from the airport. 

Louis looked down at his copy of  _ Pride and Prejudice  _ he was holding. It was required for his British Literature course and the teacher had assumed that most of them had read the book before. Not having done so, Louis was already at a disadvantage. Even though they still had a few weeks to continue delving into it, Louis had read almost the entire thing over Thanksgiving so he could then go through it with a fine toothed comb for his paper.

Louis should have known beforehand, but he’d been surprised with how much he’d enjoyed reading it. Darcy was such an ass, but when you realized why he’d been acting that way he wasn’t so bad. And then Elizabeth, she was pretty much Louis’ hero. How could she not be? She was so badass with how she was always standing up for what she thought and never bowing down, even to the likes of Lady Catherine. Louis was thoroughly impressed.

Louis opened the book so he could pick up where he’d left off with Darcy’s confession of love. There was a quote coming up that a previous reader had even highlighted and then dog-eared the page, but Louis was determined not to read ahead for it. Once he got to it, though, he realized why it had made such an impression. 

_ I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun. _

Louis allowed his mind to ruminate on the quote for a bit, before his mind began to wander back to Harry, because of course it did. Harry was always…

Sitting up a bit straighter, Louis caused the driver to look at him through the rearview mirror. Louis offered a tight smile before looking back out the window and watching the lights and tree-lined streets pass by.

Louis had identified with Elizabeth so much from the moment he started reading the book, he’d never considered thinking of Darcy’s words from his own point of view until this very moment, and now that he had he can’t reverse it, even though he wished he could.

Louis loved Harry. Of course he did; why didn’t he realize sooner? Louis honestly was an idiot not to figure out what his feelings were exactly. The past few months he’d known he had a bit of a crush, but he thought that was all it was. He hadn’t even started to realize how deep those feelings went, but now he knew he had to do something about it.

The Uber turned into campus and was nearing Louis’ dorm. Louis started to gather his things and made a resolution to himself that he would reach out to Harry tonight, no matter that it was past midnight, and tell him they needed to talk. Louis would figure out a way to ask Harry on a date. Hell, they pretty much already were dating, so hopefully Harry wouldn’t be too against the idea of making it official.

God, Louis’ heart was racing. What he had thought was a foreboding sky now looked to him to be the darkness where he always felt most free with Harry. Maybe that’s exactly how this should be, Louis finally taking a step to do something under the safety and cover of nightfall. It always had been kind to him with regards to Harry, Louis could only hope that would continue now.

Louis thanked the driver and made his way into the building as quickly as possible before running up to his room. He eased open the door, not wanting to wake Logan who’d had to stay over break because of his off-campus job. Once the door was closed, Louis allowed his eyes to adjust to the soft blue that always enveloped the room at night. Once he had eased his bags to the floor, Louis realized there was a lump in his bed, a lump that had a rather familiar head of curls.

Maybe Louis wouldn’t have to text him this late after all.

Louis took off his layers so he was down to his usual t-shirt and boxers before climbing up into his bed and easing in beside Harry. Harry seemed to stay asleep while still making room for Louis, and it made Louis smile. This was all so natural already, he hoped he wouldn’t have to let go.

As Louis curled up around Harry and looped his arm across Harry’s waist, Harry seemed to come to.

“Hey,” Harry whispered, his eyes slowly blinking open. “You’re back.”

Louis watched fondly as Harry offered a sleepy smile. Louis propped himself up on his elbow so he could see his face a little easier. 

“Yeah. I’m back. Wasn’t expecting to find you here waiting for me, though.”

Harry bit his lip and looked a bit nervous. “Yeah, sorry. I’d hoped my parents would pause their fighting for the holiday at least, but it got worse if anything. Logan let me in every night so I could sleep here, and you’d said that I could stay as long as I needed, so I just…”

Louis’ smile grew wider and wider as Harry rambled on. Even in the middle of the night after being woken from a dead sleep, he still over-explained. It was adorable.

“What?” Harry finally asked, when he realized Louis was just laying there smiling at him.

“I love you,” Louis said softly. As soon as his brain caught up to his mouth, Louis’ eyes widened and he slapped a hand to his mouth. “Oh my God, I didn’t mean to just blurt that out.”

Harry’s own eyes were wide and glowing in the soft light coming through the curtains. Somehow the blue made his green eyes look even brighter. How was that even possible?

“Did you mean it, though?” Harry whispered.

Louis nervously watched Harry’s face and, while he looked surprised, he didn’t look uncomfortable or disgusted, so that was good. Louis swallowed in an effort to keep keep his calm and not shit himself over the fact he’d just accidentally professed his love to his best friend. 

“Yeah. I did. Uh, do.”

Harry stared at Louis for a minute before wrapping his arms around him. Louis landed with a soft thud against Harry’s chest and smiled, surprised. 

“Good,” Harry said before placing a soft kiss on Louis’ shoulder, probably the only part of Louis he could easily kiss from their current position. “Cause I love you too, but I really wanted to get some sleep since classes start back up tomorrow.”

Louis giggled softly. “We’ll talk more about this tomorrow though, right?”

“Bet your ass we will,” Harry said through a yawn. “I wanna make sure I’m not dreaming when we talk about finally being able to call you my boyfriend.”

Harry’s breaths evened out and soon his snuffles were matching Logan’s snores, but Louis’ entire body felt alive. 

Boyfriends.  _ Love. _ Louis could hardly believe it, but somehow he’d managed to do it. As Louis laid back and let Harry cuddle up to him, Louis once again watched the blues slowly change to violet as the sun began to make its presence known. Maybe it was time for him to have courage beyond the soft safety of night and bring his feelings into the light. 

Harry hummed a little in his sleep, and Louis pressed a kiss to his head. The night always had felt magical, but maybe it was up to Louis to make the day a little magical too.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you liked it! If you did, please be sure to leave kudos and a super nice comment that I promise I will respond to, even if it is late. They make me smile and feel good and I appreciate every one! Also, I will love you forever if you would please reblog the fic post found [here](http://lululawrence.tumblr.com/post/167270052233/before-i-knew-that-i-had-begun-by-lululawrence-for). :D
> 
> Interested in helping support charities with fanfic? If you are, I could write a fic for you! Check out the info [here on Tumblr](https://1dfanworksforcharity.tumblr.com/post/174494969280/1d-fanworks-for-charity-auctions-for-lululawrence).


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